Brace yourself for a long update… that's hardly an update at all. A lot of random ramblings, less to inform my readers and more to simply formulate my own thoughts. Something I can look back on throughout the year and feel the energy of tense inspiration as I do now. Something with which I can remember this feeling, and hold it strong.
I don't post things like this very often. And it's a lot to read, so I won't blame you if it doesn't interest you. But if you're so inclined, read on and I'll explain.
Short Version: I've been working WAY too long on this film, and it's high time I get it done! How? Through a heavy, soul-crushing analysis of why I haven't finished yet. And then… figuring out how to fix things. Phew...
Long Version: New year, new number. 2017. That's how it all started. Thinking about where I am in the film, and how far I've come. What I've achieved, and what I haven't.
And how LONG I've taken to get there...
I started this blog back in 2011. 2011! And that was after I'd already filmed and edited a bunch for an original version of the film that isn't even the one I'm working on now! And if I had to pick a year that "Down the Road" REALLY started... I'd say it was all the way back in 2007! Back when I first started getting ideas going, fleshing out a concept for what was then supposed to be a short film. Back in 11th grade!
Smash cut to the present. I'm 26, that was 10 years ago… and the film STILL isn't done!
Of course, I do have some legitimate excuses. High school took up a lot of my time in the beginning. And college took an even greater amount of time later on. And of course there's the issue of matching and managing schedules with my friends to film it all. And lives move on and schedules get harder to coordinate. And of course, this is not the only project I've been working on this whole time. There are obviously a lot of various creative (and non-creative) projects that have been taking up a lot of my time as well during the course of this film. Heck, in that timeframe I created my music channel on YouTube, starting from nothing to what is now a little over 800 subscribers, a tool that has since helped me network and collaborate with people from all across the globe.
But that doesn't excuse not being done.
I graduated college at the end of 2013. For comparison sake, let's call that: New Year's 2014.
2014… 2015… 2016…
2017.
3 years! I'm almost ashamed to say it. Just thinking about it messes with my head a little. Like I've been caught in some sort of weird limbo. Like my life has been put on hold. One might not get this sense browsing through my slow history with this blog, but it's really bugging me more than most will ever know. What other films could I have done in that time? What other projects? Where would I be then? Where could I be?
For lack of a more eloquent description, I have learned a LOT through this film. A lot more than I bargained for when I first started this thing at 16. Much more than just filmmaking practices and storytelling, but for life itself! I bit off more than I could chew… and somehow, in a weird soul-crushing yet inspiring sort of way… I am chewing it. I am getting it done.
It's just taking me way too long to do so.
So… how do I fix this? What's wrong? I direct you to this article (the title pretty much says it all):
http://academicladder.com/the-3-ps-perfectionism-procrastination-and-paralysis
It's not exactly what I'm going through, but it's pretty close. I don't beat myself up when I pump out anything that's less than excellence, nor do I slump into total depression. But I do feel a bit overwhelmed. Like, how can I possibly get this done, the way I want it to be done? Especially when I'm the sole person in charge of the entire post-production process (a major mistake on my part). And, trying to jump to immediate perfection without any steps in between is just not possible.
Simply stated, I'd say my slowness is an unfortunate mixture of unreasonable perfectionism, setting goals too high, too much isolation, procrastination, and a horrible lack of deadlines.
I care too much about all the minutia of everything. Stuff that people would never notice even if the film turned out to be the next major blockbuster, with millions of eyes scrutinizing every little detail! And I'm continually comparing myself to that standard, like it's a full-fledged blockbuster with a huge budget and a massive crew. And the truth is I'm no more than an approximately 5-person crew, with me as the sole member on post-production, and almost zero budget.
And then there's no deadlines. No one's waiting on me. No one's breathing down my neck to get things done. I am my own boss, and as ironic as it may sound it's actually quite intimidating.
Which leads me to my final conclusion: How to FIX THIS!
Well, after a lot of soul-searching, it's actually pretty simple.
1. No perfectionism until the very end. Achieve something simple, yet substantial every day, and don't sweat the details. Progress, not perfection.
2. Again, don't… sweat... it…. Forget about all that absurd minutia that no one will ever notice. Put your time and efforts where they really matter.
3. It's okay to fail. For better or worse, a finished project is better than an unfinished one. And every time you fail there's always something to learn. Practice makes perfect.
4. Set daily and weekly deadlines. Breathe down my own neck. (Yeah, I know it sounds weird.) Really be the boss of your time.
5. Have fun! Every step forward, no matter how big or small or incredibly difficult, is a step forward. And that's something to smile about!
There's a little more to it than that, but that's the basic gist. I fully intend to post to this blog more often this year. I know I always say that, but dang if I don't have a compelling reason to stick to it this time! Whether it be something boring or otherwise uneventful (like this blog post) or a truly major milestone, I'm still gonna post it because it's PROGRESS. And that's what I want this year.
It's really a deep restructuring of my mind I'm proposing. Like, I won't just apply it to the film, but to my life in general. Healthy eating, healthy living, staying active, networking, building relationships, etc. Every time I see the opportunity to do what should be done vs. what I've done before, I'll do it. No excuses.
Because it's really just this…
I am too exhausted of living in the past and the future all at once, caring too deeply about stuff that really doesn't matter. Too dizzy from the stasis and limbo caused by unfiltered perfectionism. And too fed up with not having something to show for it.
I am done thinking about what could be… when I could be thinking about what is.
So, here's to a new year! To every year! Not just 2017, but always and beyond! To tackling (and analyzing) the things that need to be tackled! From the small, day-to-day challenges all the way to the big dreams! Get it done!
Let's do this!
- Erik (Director)
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